Find yourself and define -определи- yourself on your terms. Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit: "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken -остальные уже разобраны". You can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal* -первейшая цель- to find this out*.
Find the time to think about what you value -ценишь- and take time to consider* what makes up the essence -суть- of who you are. Contemplate* your life and choices. Try to think about what kinds of things you would or wouldn't like to do, and act accordingly* -соответственно.
* find out - learn - get to know - recognise - http://1way-to-english.livejournal.com/9888.html
* Something that is your goal is something that you hope to achieve, especially when
much time and effort will be needed.
* If you consider something, you think about it carefully.
* The people or things that make up something are the members or parts that form that thing.
* If you contemplate an idea or subject, you think about it carefully for a long time.
* If you consider a situation and then act accordingly, the way you act depends on the nature of the situation.
Finding out* through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them so that you do not let such tests define you. Instead*, ensure -убедись- that the defining you do is based on your own terms and is something you feel absolutely comfortable with. You may feel self-conscious -себя-осознающий, but over time if you are around the right type of people for you, they will accept you for who you are. And love and start to look at the real you.
* If you do not do something, but do something else instead, you do the second thing
and not the first thing, as the result of a choice or a change of behaviour.
In finding your values, don't be surprised if some of them seem to conflict. This is a natural result of taking on broad values from a variety of sources, including* -включая- culture, religion, mentors, inspiring people, educational sources, etc. What matters is that you continue working through these conflicts to resolve -решить- what values feel most true to yourself.
* You use including to introduce examples of people or things that are part of
the group of people or things that you are talking about.
* To resolve a problem, argument, or difficulty means to find a solution to it.
* A solution to a problem or difficult situation is a way of dealing with it so that the difficulty is removed.
Avoid* fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow. One of the most unhealthy approaches -подход- to being oneself is to make a decision that who you are is defined by a moment or period of time, after which you spend the rest of your life trying to still be that person from the past rather than -а не- someone who is still you but grows with the passing of each season and decade. Allow yourself this space to grow, to improve, to become wiser -мудрее. And allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you're not so proud* of. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past. You had your reasons for them and the decision made sense at the time, so instead of harnessing -накидывание упряжки- yourself to past mistakes, allow yourself to learn their lessons and continue to grow.
* If you avoid something unpleasant that might happen, you take action in order to prevent it from happening.
* If you feel proud, you feel pleased about something good that you possess or have done,
or about something good that a person close to you has done.
Look for people around you who proudly proclaim they are no different than they were the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36, or whatever. Do these people seem flexible*, easygoing*, happy people? Often they are not because they are so busy insisting* -настаивать- that nothing has changed for them ever, that they're incapable* of taking on new ideas, learning from others, or growing. They might believe adamantly* that they are "being themselves" but in reality they are often enslaved -порабощены- by the past and a particular image of themselves that they would have done better to have released long ago. Growth into every new age and stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.
* A flexible object or material can be bent easily without breaking.
* If you describe someone as easy-going, you mean that they are not easily annoyed,
worried, or upset, and you think this is a good quality.
* If you insist that something is the case, you say so very firmly and refuse to say otherwise,
even though other people do not believe you.
* Someone who is incapable of doing something is unable to do it.
* If someone is adamant about something, they are determined not to change their mind about it.
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